


Painfully average

by Sparkhearts2



Category: No Fandom, Original Work, creative writing - Fandom
Genre: Based off of an actual conversation with myself with a very different ending, Dramatic, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt No Comfort, Realistic, Serious, This is a creative writing piece, its just a bunch of emotional gut punches, yes I am fine thank you very much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29748666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparkhearts2/pseuds/Sparkhearts2
Summary: If people are all unique and special, at what point does it become meaningless? An average person with normal things, what is there to see? I get it, you have seen me in a million places because I just have one of those faces. Everything that I am has been done before and will be done again. I’m not so good it’s amazing or so bad that it’s funny, I’m just average. That’s ok right, that’s supposed to be ok.
Kudos: 2





	Painfully average

Good character design. It must be unique to stand out, their outfit should reflect their personality and their face should be different from the rest. A good way to test good character design is their silhouette, if they can be recognized from just that then it passes.  
.  
.  
.  
I would fail that test.  
My hair is straight and brown, slightly wavy on a good day.  
My skin is white with a bit of pink  
My eyes are basic greenish but they have the depth of a bowl.  
My lips are often in a quiet classic smile  
My nose is a round triangle, not to far out or in.  
My neck is long and skinny but in an average way.  
Even with the constraint of a uniform I have seen unique outfits that pop.  
Plaid pants and a navy blue sweater cover me most days, sometimes I have navy blue pants with my navy blue sweater but really that’s to much navy so I avoid it.

But I am not a character on a screen to be redesigned, I have more depth and personality than they could ever.  
I wonder if anyone sees it  
I wonder if it’s anything special  
I have struggles and flaws like a good character, all these words can prove that. But is that enough  
Is all this just poetic winning about not standing out?  
Like a spoiled kid who doesn’t know how good they have it and should shut up, that they are lucky being average is their only problem?  
.  
That’s not right  
.  
That can’t be right  
.  
.  
.  
If being average is my main struggle then why does it hurt so much? I feel it in my chest like a thin crack of sorrow.  
I think I know why it hurts  
The cause of being forgotten during a field trip  
The cause of going so long without friends  
Why I have a strong fear that they will leave, they have before  
Why I am looked over for everything and anything  
Why whenever I drop an offer to play in the group chat it’s left on read.  
Why I have to make an effort to be known  
The epitome of a background character meant to fill out a classroom  
But this backdrop isn’t dumb, they know what’s going on and feels everything   
They won’t notice that I know , they look and see and average person and as such should have all the average benefits and thus ignore. Why should they care, I bet they have seen a million of me and I become a face to be forgotten in a hall.  
I don’t want to be forgotten, I can’t be forgotten, I must make myself unforgettable!  
But how do I do that? How do I put myself out there when those chances get passed to the remembered.  
I think I know how to start at least. By raising my hand for any possible questions, by offering to help wherever possible. Being as loud and happy and funny as I can be like a beacon of positivity because those are rare and loved. Making offers to hang out even when the answers is often “I already have something planned” or if I didn’t even want to go. Sometimes it looks like it’s never going to stick, even if I think I made some headway I will notice how little I get spoke to to or get to speak when I’m not constantly trying to be seen.  
But I continue to do this in the bid that they remember me at least slightly positive.  
After all if people like me then they will come back, and if they stay then I was successful, because I will finally be popular.  
.  
.  
.  
Is all this just a bid for fame. To be one of the “popular” kids. One of those people that want what they have and will do anything to get it, even destroy themselves. Is that why I never make headway? Because they think I am another would be cool kid that acts like recognition is a drug.  
.  
.  
That’s not right, I can’t speak for them but that feels wrong.  
.  
.  
Why do I even want to be remembered. Why do I long for this external validation?  
One of the very unique things about me is my love for myself, I truly do. I can look into the mirror and stare and wonder “why don’t they love you”  
.  
.  
Love.  
.  
.  
That’s it, that’s what I want, love.  
Not the validation or the fame, those are just extra stuff, what I want is love.  
I love myself but is it enough?  
.  
No  
.  
It’s close, nearly enough but not quite.  
I have friends but not the kind that’s really really there.  
I don’t want a lot.  
I just want one or two people to go out with and tell everything.  
I just want to hug and hold someone and for them to tell me how amazing I am until all of this can go away.  
It almost sound like a fantasy. One that I can’t have.  
.  
.  
Being lonely, what a painfully average flaw.  
It’s ironic that my average flaw is caused by my averageness.  
.  
.  
.  
God it hurts so much, I want to cry and scream until it’s something that everyone pays attention to.  
Honestly I don’t really want that, I don’t want just anyone to watch me bear my heart because, well because that’s private.  
The only one who I would let in would be that fictional best friend because, well because I would trust them.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
You know, there is actually a few very select things unique about me.  
I’m good at the arts.  
I have dozens and dozens of interesting information like how your toes are the most common broken bone.  
I like to read I get excited over little things like a new eraser.  
I’m very thoughtful with my feelings, this whole story proved that point.  
.  
.  
.  
I think this is why it hurts so much, because I have things that make me unique and interesting but no one is going to see them because everything else is average.  
. . . . . . Hell  
FUCkin hEll  
EVEN THOSE LITTLE UNIQUE ASPECTS ARE AVERAGE  
Everybody has traits that make them unique, why did I think that those would make me special.  
.  
.  
.  
I want to be special so I can be loved  
.  
.  
.  
That’s feels so horribly wrong but literally evERYTHING support it.  
All those sad and lonely characters have something special and unique about them and if they don’t then they are so bad it’s funny and relatable. No one could be entertained by the story of my life .  
.  
.  
It can’t be right .  
. . . That can’t be right . . . That can’t be right but I just can’t see any alternatives .  
. . . I don’t want to be alone.  
.  
.  
. . But I am and don’t know how to change it. Hell I don’t know if it can be changed, I’ve done so much but it feels like so little.  
. . . . . . Am I doing something wrong?  
I don’t know what’s right or not, perhaps no one knows. Maybe someone does butI don’t know them.  
.  
.  
.  
I don’t know what to do.  
.  
.  
. . . . . . . . . I should go to bed, it’s late.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, thanks for reading this mess! Now for the conclusion statement that you need to be special to be loved and how harmful that can be. Every story and often the people in our lives reinforce this statement and it can hurt because it undermines the skills and accomplishments that we have achieved. You, yes you reader may be a stranger to me but I tell you this from someone who has your best interest at heart, do not take that sentence and work in into your life and let it corrupt your way of thinking. What is special and what is not is all dependent on the person and what they can accomplish, something like building a computer is a great accomplishment but just getting out of bed is a great accomplishment and as such it deserves love. Being special and doing great is cool but even not and, well, being average is just as deserving of all the love. If no one can give you the love you need though then give yourself that love, take care and encourage yourself no matter what. That’s is all.
> 
> Also if you have any criticism about this topic and how it was portrayed please tell me as I am a little dumb teen with a little dumb tablet.


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